12 January 2012

a tiki tale

Say hello to our family tiki.

I'd want to say I found it floating in the ocean,
while paddling around on a surf-ski.
Or how it was passed down from my filipino grandfather,
one of his only possessions when he came to America.
Yeah that would be even better.
But nope,
nothing that cool.

One day I was driving by an upholstery shop that was going out of business.
I had to stop.
The place had been there for years,
 and had turned into more of a cramped dusty fabric store,
than an actual place that did upholstery.
The guy had some good naugahyde like stuff,
so I made a small pile.
When he told me the too cheap price,
I asked how much with the Tiki,
which was sitting in a pile of random crapola across from the cash register.

Obviously I brought it home.
There definitely was something about it that was kinda strange right off the bat.
It was more than just a chain saw car show tiki.
So to show a little respect,
I tried to make sure nothing was stored in the hollowed out inside.
holey back side

A couple days later,
I was getting something out of the back seat of our car for the wife,
and wouldn't you know it,
my knee twisted and popped out of its socket.
Not super bad but enough to not be able to get out.

I've been lucky to only have a few minor injuries,
for the amount of stupid stuff I've done,
so this wasn't a situation I was expecting or ready to deal with.

We had a late 80's toyota 4runner (with the 2 doors and fiberglass top),
and I was stuck in the back seat for a long time trying to snap it straight.
I couldn't get out.

To make it even better,
my wife got our pot-dealing neighbor to carry me into our house,
like a little girl.
I tried to resist,
but he just picked me up kicking and screaming.
Yep like a little girl.
Okay it wasn't that bad but yeah he did carry me.

Anyway now I'm sitting on the floor in the house.
I had already realized it was the thin bone in the shin that was wrong,
so I'd been trying to twist my foot to replicate opposite of what had happened.

Nothing was working and I was getting a little nervous.
Would I ever walk again?
Would I need a cane?
Would my leg be permanently bent?

Than I see umbrellas in the Tiki.
Holey Chit.
I crawled over and yanked them out.
Who could do such a thing.

Not even 5 minutes later,
my knee miraculously slid back into place,
and I was actually able to walk with hardly any issue.

now we have a cursed Tiki in our living room.
For years I made it clear to leave it empy inside,
and have it always facing away from the wall.
What am I saying,
after 10 years I still do!

Happy Friday the 13th!!



  1. You know, that is really a excellent tiki. I think it's worth quite a bit! It's not the hideously amateur ones you see EVERYWHERE today.
    Sell it and get a knee brace.

    1. Dude I can't imagine what would happen if we sold it or gave it away!