28 August 2014

Rat Bauer

A couple days ago I was put to the test.
Somehow a baby rat had got into our washing machine.
He survived the wash and spin cycle.
I picked him up and he was reeling,
dizzy from his hellbound fairground ride.
This is when I made my mistake.
Shoulda taken him out right then and there.
Held him by the tail and thunked him on the floor.
We recuperated him in this plastic box.
Now miserable in the sauna atmosphere.
Yes we poked holes.
The kids thought he was cute.
Dang it.
They named it "Rat Bauer" after Jack Bauer,
the guy on the show 24 who always gets out of trouble.
That day we went to sunset cliffs for late lunch.
The perfect place to let him go,
he could grow up to be a big wharf rat.
No that doesn't sound good.
What about the bird eggs and babies.
Definitely overthinking this one.
Back home we dropped him into a 5-gallon bucket.
Gave him some energy food,
granola, nuts and water.
Doesn't seem to smart looking back at it.
The rag covering the top didn't work.
The little f*cker jumped all night,
grabbed that rag,
and used it as a ladder to escape.
Holey Chit.
To top it off,
I've been waking up at 3-4 AM,
nature calls type chit.
I didn't know about the escape at the time,
just sensed something was wrong.
I go to the back porch,
flip on the light switch,
and whose beady eyes are staring at me.
That damn rat somehow thought climbing this little tree was his way to freedom.
We both froze.
Usually the kids have their BB gun by the door.
No luck.
The only thing was that little throwing knife on the ledge.
I tried to smack him with it but he jumped,
and I only got his back half as he popped away.
Now it's game on.
4 traps are set in various locations.
I feel like Elmer Fudd or the Coyote!

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